Rimantas Kaukėnas: “Kindness in society must become a habit.”

The Message of God’s Mercy in Word, Deeds, and Prayer

Vilnius is gifted with a special message of mercy. Its residents, touched by it, themselves become carriers of the message of mercy.

Every day Rimantas Kaukėnas — founder of the “Rimantas Kaukėnas Support Group” charity and support fund — reaches out with works of goodness to children fighting oncological, genetic or other illnesses, and to their families. Courage and strength are given to suffering children by fulfilling their dreams and creating joy In an atmosphere where pain normally reigns. According to R. Kaukėnas, there will never be enough help — too many good deeds — for people.

Share with us — how did the idea arise to create a support-charity fund for seriously ill children?

It was a combination of various circumstances that led to it: first of all, personal experience in the family — more than one person in our circle of relatives faced cancer; also, I often had to visit hospitals both in Lithuania and abroad, where I noticed that comprehensive help is very much needed. I was fortunate because I had more than one like-minded person who supported me, encouraged me, and helped me to implement this idea in a managerial sense. In this way we reached the starting point of the activity aimed at helping seriously ill children and their families. We have been continuing the activities of the support fund for already 14 years.

There will never be too much help — it is always lacking. Especially when we speak about the most severe cases, those suffering from critical illnesses. When you constantly visit children who are hospitalized, your eyes are opened and you realize that when a child and their family are in pain, they need help every single minute. Often there is simply too much suffering for those families and children.

You provide direct assistance to the families of sick children, supplying them with medical equipment. It is clear that various kinds of help are needed — both financial and physical, by devoting one’s own time. Yet what is most lacking right now? What kind of help is most needed?

Over all these years the economic situation in Lithuania has changed, medicine has advanced, and in some cases more modern treatment has become more accessible, although financial support is still very much needed. However, the most important thing is psychological help — sometimes simply communication, when support is expressed and shown to the family. That is exactly what parents need most, because they have to remain strong, to believe that everything will be all right, even though we all understand that anything can happen. But if you do not believe, if you do not look forward, it will be difficult to defeat the illness. The hardest thing is to maintain hope and faith and the ability to accept the situation. And without support, this can be impossible. Working with these families is not easy even for psychologists; these are critical situations, so the burden on them is very great, sometimes almost unbearable.

And where do you draw your strength from every day meeting with these types of patients? Every day you choose to do good, with your noble work you create joy in places where there is great pain and sometimes a lack of hope. What inspires you to act? Where do you draw that hope from?

I will admit it — this is my church. It is a very powerful feeling when you enter a hospital room and see how the family lights up because I came. They immediately open their hearts and share everything: all their worries, difficulties, and the small joys of everyday life. You realize how much vitality a simple visit gives them and how much they lack it. And every single time, I realize anew that my own problems and difficulties are as if non-existent. And that I am a child of happiness, being able to help others. I believe that I myself become a better person when I experience other people’s gratitude and see that I can contribute something. I help them as much as I can, and they support me — as if helping me to remain human.

Do you have any particularly touching, inspiring, or even overwhelming — because of their difficulty — stories?

There are many of them. Every family has special situations and moments that touch you and stay in your memory for a long time. I could share about one boy — Edgaras. Many years ago, right at the beginning of our activities, together with Donatas Montvydas we fulfilled his dream — the singer visited his home, surprised him, and brought a gift. This left such an impression on Edgaras that he, already in the fourth stage of cancer and in a very serious condition when doctors saw no more possibilities to help him, offered himself to become a volunteer for the fund. Even though he could barely walk, he would visit other patients in the hospital, trying to support the children and families and motivating them not to give up. Whenever I talk about him, I always get goosebumps. He was an extraordinary person who gave everything he could in this life.

A beautiful testimony of how goodness truly spreads and is sown…

It’s like a boomerang of goodness — it always comes back.

We are speaking in the context of the Mercy Congress. The works of mercy that are named can seem very concrete and simple — to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to comfort the sorrowful, to visit the sick, and so on. However, when we try to do even one of them, we understand that it is not easy. If we don’t have anyone to help in our surroundings, we can even forget and live our lives peacefully. In your opinion, is society sensitive enough to the pain of others? What needs to be done so that kindness, support, and charity become a daily part of life?

I believe that we can always be better everywhere and do things even better — and the same applies here: there can be more kindness. But I am convinced that if a person is unhappy, it is difficult for them to help another, to give something from the bottom of their heart.

Kindness takes root when it becomes a habit. The first time you perform an action it always presents a challenge, sometimes tension and stress, but when you do it constantly — you begin to understand how it is done, and the body no longer resists. Developing habits is extremely important for a person; this is how he grows and improves. Kindness must also become a habit that we should cultivate in our entire community. Let us hope that society will move toward making helping one another our habit, and that it will no longer cause us difficulty — it will be done more easily and naturally.

In life you emphasize hard work as the only way to act properly, to achieve something, to contribute to something. What is the hardest thing for you in this work, where is the most effort required?

When we started the activities, there were few requests. They keep increasing, and we cannot ignore them or fail to help, so we carry a great responsibility. We must respond and grow, trying to help everyone. Sometimes it is very difficult to find time and  resources to coordinate everything and do it as efficiently, correctly, and neatly as possible. When there are a few people, everything is simple, but when there are dozens or hundreds… But here we return again to what we talked about at the beginning — is it really that hard? After all, it is certainly harder for those who are fighting for their lives. We hold this perspective. And that motivates us to work tirelessly.